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Ask Dr. Surly A Surly News magazine wherein we consult T. Whitman "Doc" Riviera, chief of quacktigraphy at the Surly Institute for Cycling Healthinesses, with your cycling related medical questions. Note: Medical science is not for the squeamish or those without a good sense of humor. Discontinue use if negative reaction occurs. Brock D. of Fritters, Alabama: Is it true that those anatomic saddles help save your deal? Dr T: No, those saddles are a pack of lies, based on pseudo-scientific claims and incomplete facts. The only good saddle is one that feels the least uncomfortable while still retaining an Envy Factor of at least 7, such as a Brooks, a colored Brooks, a Brooks with springs, or a custom cut or handtooled Brooks. We in medical science know this because in scientific studies we found more new riders on Brooks saddles than any other, so using what we in medical science call "deductive logic," we determine that Brooks saddles are therefore the best and perfect for everybody. Tracy K. of Brooklyn, NY: As proper fit plays a major role not only in cycling performance but also in longterm joint health, do you have any recommendations for achieving proper fit? I am especially concerned about crank length and saddle position as it relates to knee health. Dr. T: Perfect fit is a myth perpetrated by Big Bicycles and enforced by oxygen starved roadies who contort themselves into cramped aero positions for long periods and think about the nuances of q-factor and knee-over-spindle placements. If it hurts, adjust it. If it hurts worse, try adjusting it the other way. Quit your bitching. Even so, riding something that fits really badly will hurt you but if you're dumb enbough to keep riding when it hurts that much, you deserve what you get. Jenna P. of Ragbrai, Iowa: I have heard you can OVERhydrate. Is this true? Dr. T: Not if you drink enough alcohol. Terrence J. of Church-on-Trench, Willingford Woodshire, Beamish Noodlehorn Middlewhit, Spicknamby Steppe, Curdlefoot, Surrey, UK: My hands go numb a lot when I ride. I have a Storck C.1.1 with Oval Concepts RA910 Aergo bar and Campy (Record) brake levers. I have been custom fit using body imaging CGI technology and still have this problem. What can I do? Dr. T: (unavailable for comment, pouring self a stiff drink) Dave A. of Portland writes: I done ordered it. 60cm Black Cross Check, with a custom single speed build. It's going to be rad. I do have a question for you, though. I have had a perpetual hard-on since ordering it, knowing it is coming. Is that normal? Dr. T: Yes, although you should be watching for severe throbbing, numbness, purplish discoloration, hot sweats, cold sweats, housewife's knee, irritation, immaculate conception, dropsy, the bends, scaling, itching, blindness, tumors, difficulty breathing, rapid heartrate, constipation, the shits, burning sensation while urinating, enlarged prostate, fallen arches, vaporlock, and profuse sweating. -----