Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Fear And Loathing In Las Vagueass
Well here we are and where are you?
Busy as hell at Interbike 06. What could it be? Random chance? High gas prices? Who knows. Dirt Demo was the usual thing. Dr. Nick calls the air 'tartar control' because of the dust, and damn if the dust isn't still better than the smog in LV.
First hour of the first day of the show proper was like the start of the Kentucky Derby. Small people were trampeled. It was great.
Seems so far no one besides me has seen all the f*cking bats flying around. They'll see them soon enough. My lawyer, BRose, advised me to drink more, which would almost be "at all" at this point. Wise advise from one who knows.
Funny thing is that if you're reading this there's a good chance you're not here, and if you're here and still reading this you're likely a nerd. In either case I am not willing to describe the new 'product.' Look elsewhere on the interweb for that. Bikehugger.com for example. Hint.
O.K., that's enough. I'm off the rails a bit. Long days, Vegas, and an all too surreal diarist as normal course will amplify the Dali/Dada-esque, through-the-bottom-of-the-beer-glass thing that is Interbike.
Tomorrow: Hangover, The Sequel.
-----
Several friends, family and beings from other worlds (ZEKE) have approached me, emailed me, sent telegrams, death threats, love letters, and ransom notes to ask me what is the new “thing†Surly is introducing at Interbike.
First, let me say that just because I am the newest and most vulnerable (not to mention the cutest) one around here, doesn't mean that I'm gonna spill.
I will tell you this much, though. Our new project almost didn't make it here in time for Interbike. In fact, the prototype didn't show up at the Surlyville garage door until 8:36 a.m. Wednesday of this week. Our trucks for Interbike were leaving at 11:00 a.m. on this same Wednesday, and we thought the DHL man wasn't gonna show up until about then, so we were sweating it.
The second it showed up we pulled down the blinds, fired up the blow torches, and Andy set the dials on the Surly Central Processing Command Center computer masterboard to eleven. The lights in Surlyville dimmed a few times before the record player started up automatically and the room was filled with the sounds of David Hasslehoff. I looked over at Dave and he was dressed in full kimono and his face was made up like a maiko. Sov was dressed as a wizard and kep't uttering something sounding like “…must.. protect…the…ring…†Swervy's body was the same as usual but his head had been replaced with Rosie O'Donnell's, and Andy, well… Andy… yeah… Let's just say Andy is one of the other “special†new things we're gonna be showing at Interbike. It's just too precious to spoil the surprise. Kinda brings tears to my eyes just thinkin' about it.
Without giving anything more away, you should know that we had a crack staff of Nascar pit wrenches on hand to take over and shake this muther out just in a nick of time so that it made it on the truck. We had to send one of our special agents along so that he/she could accompany it (handcuffed to the thing, nonetheless) on its way to the windy city (bet you didn't know this is Las Vegas' nickname, didya?). Bottom line is, we will have one of the coolest things at Interbike this year.
If you want to see what we came up with you'll need to stop by our booth next week. We can't wait to meet ya.
-----
There was still beer in the keg when the All City Championship Alley Cat post-race gathering, in back of One On One Bike Studio, was shut down by the fuzz on Saturday night. It was decided that the party should move on down the road a piece. My rig…the FreeRad Instigator Stokemonkey Hack…the FISH…was best suited for keg-moving detail, so the keg was loaded onto the sidehack, with the tap still on, and lashed down with ¼†nylon rope and parachute cord. ROPE ROCKS! I always carry rope. Bungies generally suck for holding down any cargo of considerable size or mass. Rope will help make a shelter, a belt, a splint for bike or body, or a pack strap. Get some.
I rolled, with a group of 7 or 8, to a familiar firepit along the tracks outside of downtown Minneapolis. The FISH loves ballast. It helps to keep the outrigger wheel on the ground when turning corners. Considering the nature of the load, my rig was pretty darned stable. I don't know how much beer was in the keg, but I'd estimate it added an additional 40kg to my ride. I used the Stokemonkey motor assist to get up to speed and let the inertia of the beer/FISH/jockey to move me along smoothly down the streets and bike paths. I used the motor to power up the corkscrew ramp to the bridge. And, while walking on the left side of the FISH, I used the motor to crawl over rocks that threatened progress toward the fire pit. When we reached the pit area, the keg just stayed on the hack. It was at a good height for pouring a beer.
Within minutes, Swervy got his mobile tune system set up and rockin'. One of the pyromaniacs got a sweet fire blazing, and dozens of cyclists on all types of bikes rolled in to keep the party going until the wee hours. Nobody realized that a storm, 40km northwest of us, was knocking down houses and tearing apart beige neighborhoods. We only knew that it was a great night to be drinking Surly beer in the woods by a fire with fellow bike geeks. Blissful ignorance.
-----
